…when you can’t be with the person you love
“This is love, she thought, isn’t it? When you notice someone’s absence and hate that absence more than anything? More, even, than you love his presence?” ― Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated
It hasn’t even been two weeks and I already miss him so much. But you already know that – it shows, even on this blog. I wrote a letter to him, I wrote about our relationship, just now I chose a quote that made me think of him. What is happening to me? The last thing I want is to be the girl who only talks about her boyfriend.
I’m not that kind of blogger; this isn’t that kind of blog. That’s what I tell myself, but who am I kidding? He’s on my mind and in my heart, so of course he has to be on my blog. It’s a little weird because I never thought I would write this stuff, but it makes sense, right? I wonder how he’ll feel about it. I hope he won’t mind; I don’t think he will.
Anyway, the quote perfectly sums up the way I feel. Some days I only feel love for him, while others I can only think of how much I hate his absence. Usually, I feel a mix of both, with more love than hate – I suppose I wouldn’t agree to this kind of life were I overcome with hate every time he left! It’s tricky, though; I never see the bad days coming.
Apart from this issue, I can’t think of any day when being with my current partner sucked… But I can think of a few times when being with someone else did. Let’s face it: I was never a great judge of character and made a lot of bad decisions when it came to relationships.
For instance, I used to get along much better with boys than girls and had a number of male friends, but my “last” ex was very jealous and I couldn’t visit them, meet with them, let alone text them without arousing his suspicion, and consequently lost several friends while we were together. Now I’m the jealous one!
Before that, I dated a few guys that lived in different cities and I was always the one who had to take the train – at best for 20 minutes, at most for over an hour and a half – to see them. I spent more time on trains that I could bear, and that was expensive. Maybe that’s why I ended up moving to my partner’s city and living with him early on!